I hardly seem to me like I am enough, but I am all that I have...

I hardly seem to me like I am enough
But I am all that I have •

My father - who I was very close to - abandoned me as a child. And even when he came back, we did not speak very much. The past few days have been difficult, as I came to the realization that at the age of 28 I still carry the scars of yesteryear. Namely, my fear of being alone, feelings of abandonment, and feelings of lack of love from others and from myself.

I know logically that none of these things truly matter, but phobias and emotions are not based in rationality.

And so I have spent the last 20 years unconsciously attempting with every ounce of myself to never feel alone again, even to the detriment of my own mental health.

This two line poem was written 8 years ago. And I thought I outgrew this fear, grew stronger. But the pain of father complex still grips me, and it has been my biggest challenge to overcome yet.

How deep this universal issue goes into the psyche of the sufferer. How entrenched our childhoods remain in our minds.

I do not know how to get to the other side, but I will continue trying until I arrive.

I hardly seem to me like I am enough
But I am all that I have •

Poem from my book Four Years in Chrysalis
© Aisha Tariqa Abdul Haqq Publishing
Follow @AishaTariqa for more daily poetry •