If I explode here, it will not be because I have self-destructed...

I love a life of beauty
Here missing
Am I
Such an opportunity for increase
For continuation
I am blasted here
More real than my day dreams
More tangible than my clouds of passing
What explosiveness is this?
What a tale for telling
I cannot remove myself like
The past regards
I cannot burn up in the moment
I must stand shuddering at the immensity of the moment
Any gasp of air at each alternating second
Pain here then is my pleasure
If I explode here
It will not be because I have self-destructed
It will be me full and capable of containing no more •

Life can be overwhelming at times. But I have learned it is our emotions toward it which cause the most overwhelm. Add to life's circumstances anxiety and the wealth of other human mental illnesses, and the exuberance of existing can feel like much too much to handle.

I spent my entire life feeling as if I needed a break; but what I needed a break from was my own mind.

Unfortunately, this is usually the reason why people who have mental illness commit suicide - they simply need a break from their own minds. And I know this feeling very well.

A combination of a well-crafted cocktail of anxiolytic and mood-stabilizing pharmaceutical medications and natural herbs became my daily, positively anticipated, and highly coveted break.
I now look forward to a future I can build upon in full knowledge that mentally, I can handle it. •

Poem from Acres of Shadow
© Aisha Tariqa Abdul Haqq Publishing
Follow @AishaTariqa for more daily poetry •