Psychosis is a stabbing in the back...
Psychosis is a stabbing in the back
A shadow of normalcy
My every day
Just mere minutes from reality
A horror story in my mind
Second in and second out
I am, often times, left panting for breathing
At the lack of space between me and my thoughts
Those thoughts
Those seething tar splattered things
I reason with them
But am left panicked still
That they might be true
A daunting story
The thoughts might be true
And if so, what kind of world am I living in?
And the screams I feel rising in my chest
And warming in my eyes
But to be a screaming body in a moment filled with calm souls is no mere incident
And so, quite often, I scream to myself
Head in hands
Tears streaming down my face
And the shuddering
Oh, the shuddering
But here I am
The world a typhoon
My mind drinking from it like a leech
My body, just a standing self
As the world and my mind and all of the catastrophes therein
Prance about my solid flesh like a manic gazelle free from trapping
This is what psychosis is •
This was me a few years ago.
Never tell a person with mental illness that medication is bad for them. That the only medicine needed is sunshine and a healthy diet. The only people who say these things are those who do not have mental illness. This behavior kills.
And could have killed me, had I not been forced by family and friends to get help.
Medication is the only savior for most people - just like a broken leg requires a cast, a broken brain requires medication, whether they be pharmaceutical or herbal. I would not be here without this savior. And life sans medication is so hard that I will never choose to live without it again. I would choose death instead.
Only a small percentage of society experiences mental illness, and even though it truly is only in their heads, so are all of the other manifestations of the human psyche. Everything starts from some creation conjured by the mind. What is in your head matters, and will decide how you see everything which surrounds you.
Take care of yourself. •
Poem from Acres of Shadow
© Aisha Tariqa Abdul Haqq Publishing
Follow @AishaTariqa for more daily writings •
