Love used to hold on tight, grasp like a newborn’s grip...

Love used to hold on tight
Grasp like a newborn’s grip
It held me like I would never fall
Like it would never let the darkness in
But also, never sunlight
What is the cost of security?
I wondered as his attention wavered
To be protected from both the bad and the good
Simultaneously
Is it worth it?
When I relaxed, I saw his face
Or at least felt my need for him
Or what I felt was him
Or what I needed him to be
It is hard to tell the difference •

We all have heard it: you have to learn to love yourself first before loving others. And this can be hard if you never had self-love as a foundation. When you enter a relationship without this foundation, you will find yourself perpetually lonely and practically begging for the love of another to fill the gap you have not managed to fill yourself.
Self-care and pampering is a good start. If you are able to monetarily and safely, travel to new cities and countries to gain fresh experiences, alone. Take yourself out to dinner and try new foods, alone. Try a new art form solitarily, such as music, painting, or writing. Buy yourself flowers. And generally learn to enjoy your own company.
And when you realize how great a person you truly are, you can enter and exit relationships without leaving a piece of yourself behind. You were you beforehand, and you will be as complete afterward. This is loving yourself. And once you do this, you will never truly be lonely again. •

Poem from Four Years in Chrysalis
© Aisha Tariqa Abdul Haqq Publishing
Follow @AishaTariqa for more original poems and inspiration •